Joined: 25 Mar 2004 Posts: 916 Location: SF Bay Area Country:
Posted: Tue Sep 29, 2009 4:26 am Post subject:
*sigh* Not sure if this belongs here or not.
Been dating a few women from Asia, by which I mean ethnically Japanese or Chinese, and born over there. Not all at the same time!
It seems that for each of them, if I ask them a question that they don't care to answer, they'll just clam up. Not say anything, no explanation offered.
That's not something I ever encounter with an American woman, regardless of "racial" background. Unless she is mentally unstable. She'd either answer the question, or say that she wasn't comfortable answering the question, or, realistically, make something up.
But there seems to be a dating strategy among women from Asia (generalizing of course) of playing their cards very close to their chest, so to speak.
It seems that for each of them, if I ask them a question that they don't care to answer, they'll just clam up. Not say anything, no explanation offered.
Maybe the fear of giving a "wrong" or unacceptable answer...
Joined: 25 Mar 2004 Posts: 916 Location: SF Bay Area Country:
Posted: Tue Sep 29, 2009 6:14 am Post subject:
Thanks!
I am still trying to get my head around this cross-cultural thing. Sometimes it's not worth the struggle.
If you're looking for an intimate relationship, you probably have fewer hurdles with someone who speaks your language fluently, and grew up in the same culture as yourself.
Don't get me wrong, it's interesting and enchanting etc to have friends from another culture, but there's always some sort of wall between you. Some people may enjoy that "good fences make good neighbors" but it's not for me. _________________
Joined: 25 Mar 2004 Posts: 916 Location: SF Bay Area Country:
Posted: Wed Sep 30, 2009 3:04 am Post subject:
This is something that I see in the first few dates - so far. I mean, for instance, I ask her what month she was born in, and I get the blank stare.
Some people are more private than others, but I can't imagine her getting into a relationship or marriage without revealing - at some point -when her birthday is. So I am guessing and hoping that this will change with time and patience.
For someone accustomed to dating western women, Asian women seem to push their suitors away, although this is probably just due to my point of view. _________________
This is something that I see in the first few dates - so far. I mean, for instance, I ask her what month she was born in, and I get the blank stare.
Some people are more private than others, but I can't imagine her getting into a relationship or marriage without revealing - at some point -when her birthday is. So I am guessing and hoping that this will change with time and patience.
For someone accustomed to dating western women, Asian women seem to push their suitors away, although this is probably just due to my point of view.
But you know, this is better than a girl who will outright lie to avoid revealing information. At least you know the info is withheld... and not lied about. _________________
Joined: 25 Mar 2004 Posts: 916 Location: SF Bay Area Country:
Posted: Thu Oct 01, 2009 3:16 am Post subject:
Thanks guys, welcome to the world of cross-cultural dating.
I think that a large part of this may be a desire on the part of the woman to keep the man at arm's length until she feels ready.
I dated one woman from Japan, and she never told me where she lived. I just picked her up at the street corner. Yes, I had fantasies about dating a hooker. I understand that's pretty common. Not the bit about hookers, though. I'd better shut up now. _________________
This is something that I see in the first few dates - so far. I mean, for instance, I ask her what month she was born in, and I get the blank stare.
Funny, the same thing just happened to me the other day, except I was the Asian girl and I wasn't on a date, just lunch with a classmate.
Like bmwracer mentioned, it is an innocuous question, so I'm surprised you'd get so many blank stares for such a questions. But, for me at least, it's kind of a psychological thing: I reckon the more people I disclose my birthday to, the worse I'll feel come bday and no one remembers
Oh, I also do that not-telling-you-where-I-live thing. Maybe all the women you've dated have been nutcases like me
Joined: 20 Jul 2004 Posts: 12782 Location: USA Country:
Posted: Fri Oct 02, 2009 9:41 am Post subject:
tabemonster wrote:
Oh, I also do that not-telling-you-where-I-live thing. Maybe all the women you've dated have been nutcases like me
I dont believe in giving out my last name, or my number until after the first dinner has gone well.
But my birth month would be ok.
(That would be February...If anyone wants to send presents... )
On the record:
Eve <----- Only partial nutcase. _________________
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I'd better shut up now.
