Marriage

[niko2x]

ahochaude wrote:

honestly, my gfs have a lot more to offer than my wife. my wife did bring up the "D" word. -and I was like, "Whatevers. You want me to move to J-land and only now you pull the 'd' word on me?! Gimme a break, bitch. Up to you. I'm taking the kids though." I'll keep y'all posted on what's to come. F*ck soap operas, aho's life has more suspense and entertainment value! haha! Pay per view, biyatch!

don't worry brah. it seems every marriage at one time or another has a fight that contains the "d" word. work thru it y'all be fine.
and another thing, when you're quarreling, it always seems that the x-gf's bring more to the table. well, if they do, then one would not have gotten hitched to "the one" right?

����ˁ[�I
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[tabana]

Damn. That sucks.

Good luck with the wife.
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[tabana]

Whoa. Almost 1 year to the day since the last post.


New study: Women are the boss at home

Duh...

The study of 72 married couples from Iowa found that wives, on average, exhibit greater situational power -- in the form of domineering and dominant behaviors -- than their husbands during problem-solving discussions, regardless of who raised the topic. All of the couples in the sample were relatively happy in their marriages, with none in counseling at the time of the study.

Associate Professor of Psychology David Vogel and Assistant Professor of Human Development and Family Studies Megan Murphy led the research. The ISU research team also included Associate Professor of Human Development and Family Studies Ronald Werner-Wilson, Professor of Psychology Carolyn Cutrona -- who is director of the Institute for Social and Behavioral Research at Iowa State -- and Joann Seeman, a graduate student in psychology. They authored a paper titled "Sex Differences in the Use of Demand and Withdraw Behavior in Marriage: Examining the Social Structure Hypothesis," which appeared in last month's issue of the Journal of Counseling Psychology -- a professional journal published by the American Psychological Association.

Wives have the marriage power

"The study at least suggests that the marriage is a place where women can exert some power," said Vogel. "Whether or not it's because of changing societal roles, we don't know. But they are, at least, taking responsibility and power in these relationships. So at least for relatively satisfied couples, women are able to take some responsibility and are able to exert some power -- but it's hard for us to say why that's so."

"Women are responsible for overseeing the relationship -- making sure the relationship runs, that everything gets done, and that everybody's happy," said Murphy, "And so, maybe some of that came out in our findings in terms of women domineering and dominating -- that they were taking more responsibility for the relationship, regardless of whose topic was being discussed."

The researchers solicited participation from married couples in and around the Iowa State campus. On average, spouses were around 33 years of age and had been married for seven years. Most participants were European Americans (66%), followed by Asian (22%), Hispanic (5%), and African-American (4%) -- with the final three percent representing other nationalities.

Each spouse was asked to independently complete a questionnaire on relationship satisfaction and an assessment of overall decision-making ability in the relationship. Each spouse also was asked to identify a problem in their relationship -- an issue in which he or she desired the most change and which could not be resolved without the spouse's cooperation. Spouses were then asked to answer some questions about their chosen topics, including the type of problem-solving behaviors that generally take place when this topic arises, and the importance of the topic. Couples were then brought together and asked to discuss each of the problem topics for 10 minutes apiece -- discussions that were videotaped. The researchers did not participate in the discussion.

"We actually just asked them to start talking about the issue, and then we left the room," said Vogel. "And so they were all by themselves in the room talking. We were as non-obtrusive as possible. We just came back at the end of the period of time, and asked them to talk about the other topic."

At the end of the discussions, couples were separated again. Each spouse was then debriefed and discussed his or her feelings and reactions to the study.

The researchers reviewed and coded the videotapes of couples' interactions using a widely-accepted interaction rating system. The system consists of five dimensions to calculate demand and withdraw behaviors -- avoidance, discussion, blame, pressure for change, and withdraws.

Not all talk and no action

The researchers concluded in their paper that wives behaviorally exhibited more domineering attempts and were more dominant -- i.e., more likely to have their partner give in -- than husbands during discussions of either spouse's topic. That refuted their initial premise that sex differences in marital power would favor husbands.

Vogel said that wives weren't simply talking more than their husbands in discussions, but actually were drawing favorable responses from their husbands to what they said.

"That's what I think was particularly interesting," he said. "It wasn't just that the women were bringing up issues that weren't being responded to, but that the men were actually going along with what they said. They (women) were communicating more powerful messages and men were responding to those messages by agreeing or giving in."

"There's been research that suggests that's a marker of a healthy marriage -- that men accept influence from their wives," said Murphy.

The study was funded, in part, by the National Institute of Mental Health, along with ISU. Vogel and Murphy hope to expand upon this research through a future study.

Note: This story has been adapted from a news release issued by Iowa State University
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[bmwracer]

tabana wrote:

Whoa. Almost 1 year to the day since the last post.

How appropo.

Quote:

New study: Women are the boss at home

Not in my home.



No women around.

[Anime Dad]

bmwracer wrote:

Not in my home. No women around.

That would be the only reason why.


I'm the boss in my home. And I have my wife's permission to say so...

[gaijinmark]

Anime Dad wrote:

I'm the boss in my home. And I have my wife's permission to say so...

Or as I heard a guy at work say once, "I have a great relationship with my wife. She tells me what to do, and I do it."

[littlemissfab]

bmwracer wrote:

Not in my home. No women around.

\

So not true. Marriage is a lot of compromise... 90 percent his, 10 percent mine...

but yeah, people think he's the boss at home.. or at least that's what i make them think.. but really... c'mon. a happy wife makes a happy marriage.

[Anime Dad]

littlemissfab wrote:

\ ... c'mon. a happy wife makes a happy marriage.

Said in jest, but so true...

[tabana]

littlemissfab wrote:

a happy wife makes a happy marriage

Yup. If she's not, you'll suffer.


Like some guy said: "I always have the last word in my house: yes dear".
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[Wynter]

tabana wrote:

Yup. If she's not, you'll suffer.

Or the woman can be smart and just LEAVE. No use being in a marriage if you're not happy with it. Of course, level of unhappiness varies. But you know what i mean.
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Wanna trade? My Drama List (UPDATED: July, 2013)

[tabana]

Some slip up for simple things like toilet paper or if she eats her peas one at a time, but some have was too much tolerance (like the lame ass drunk husband).

It's not worth it and life is too short.
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[Wynter]

tabana wrote:

Some slip up for simple things like toilet paper or if she eats her peas one at a time, but some have was too much tolerance (like the lame ass drunk husband). It's not worth it and life is too short.

Exactly. Marriage really is a compromise, but sometimes you have to evaluate whether or not it's worth it (depending on the compromise).
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Wanna trade? My Drama List (UPDATED: July, 2013)

[bmwracer]

Wynter wrote:

you have to evaluate whether or not it's worth it

It isn't if you have a high-maintenance, spendthrift wife.

[tabana]

Not if she spends less than half your pay check, cause if she leaves you'll have to pay. Unless you made prenups.
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[sadacori]

Man, this is such a depressing thread. Makes me not want to get married. Not like that'll happen to me any time soon, so yay, I guess?

It's kind of funny though. Out of all of my close friends, only one is married. Out of all the relatives close in my age, only my brother is married. Seems like we're all picky, cautious, or ugly.
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Japanese drama trades (on hiatus)

Currently watching: Netflix stuff

[bmwracer]

cori wrote:

Man, this is such a depressing thread.

You can thank tabana for exhuming it from its watery grave.

Quote:

It's kind of funny though. Out of all of my close friends, only one is married. Out of all the relatives close in my age, only my brother is married. Seems like we're all picky, cautious, or ugly.

LOL.

[tabana]

Woot for me.

cori wrote:

Seems like we're all picky, cautious, or ugly.

... or all of the above.

Same here. Only one of my friend got married a few years ago (for reasons I'll never understand ). Most of them are in couples, live together and some even have kids, but none of them married.

We're not really religious around here and you get the same financial benefits, if you lived together for 3 years IIRC. Even if you are gay. The thing is, you can give your partner the boot after all this time and won't have all those problems associated with a divorce, unless you have kids. Oh, and instead of having to write "divorced" as your status everywhere, you can write "single".
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[Wynter]

tabana wrote:

Oh, and instead of having to write "divorced" as your status everywhere, you can write "single".

Surprisingly, I don't usually find "divorce" as an option. At least not most of the time. So I always tick of "single".

EVERYONE gets married where I am, especially within our community. If you're like a certain age (late 20s), and not married, it's considered bizarre. I suppose that's why I was married off so young.

I DO want to get married again, but my prospects don't look good.
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Wanna trade? My Drama List (UPDATED: July, 2013)

[EstherM]

Wynter wrote:

Surprisingly, I don't usually find "divorce" as an option. At least not most of the time. So I always tick of "single". EVERYONE gets married where I am, especially within our community. If you're like a certain age (late 20s), and not married, it's considered bizarre. I suppose that's why I was married off so young. I DO want to get married again, but my prospects don't look good.

No worries, my grandmother got married (second time though) at the tender age of 62! With an open heart there are always options - hehehe I sound like a jdorama heroine here

I am really lucky though, there�Ls not much social pressure in my country, anything goes basically: equal-sex marriage is legal, partnerships without tying the knot are legally recognised ...

[bmwracer]

EstherM wrote:

I am really lucky though, there�Ls not much social pressure in my country, anything goes basically: equal-sex marriage is legal, partnerships without tying the knot are legally recognised ...

That's great... We're still medieval here with our puritanical "values."